#5

on tenderness and gentleness

dear you,

i hope this month was kind to you and you were able to take care of yourself. personally not really been doing that great this month and things with my mental health have made me feel quite lonely and out of place for most of the time. but nevertheless i tried to be kind to myself and find beauty and love in everything i do. in doing so, i developed even more of an appreciation for the connection and love inherent within tenderness and gentleness. i’m watching the sun set as i write and the sky is tinted with blues and purples and pinks. it gives me hope and i feel comforted. i hope you’re able to take something from this whether that extends to yourself, those you love or strangers you pass by :)

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adrienne rich, twenty-one love poems

i think that life is all about tenderness and gentleness, both with each other and also ourselves. i think this characterises who we are and how we interact with each other. as adrienne rich says, without tenderness, we are in hell. being kind and gentle with one another just for the sake of being kind and gentle with one another allows us to grow and foster connection. it allows us to exercise recognition and compassion for one another. but most of all, it’s important for our survival because it’s so inherent within us to love and express our love.

“the world is so dreadful in many ways. do let us be tender with each other”

katherine mansfield, in a letter to dorothy brett (1918)

there’s a culture in society that bell hooks talks about where we are embarassed by love and expressing love. we feel silly for showing people how much they mean to us and this applies to all kinds of love (romantic, platonic, familial). talking about love is usually seen as delusional which puzzles me since love is the most important thing. vulnerability is seen negatively, discouraging people from being open about love. we exist for such an ephemeral amount of time, and yet we prescribe such silly notions to avoid vulnerability and connection.

when i think about tenderness, i often think about hands.

“the heart is the toughest part of the body. tenderness is in the hands”

carolyn forche, the country between us

it reminds me of auguste rodins hand sculptures and the inherent love stored in them. they make me think of first loves and adventure. of tentative glances and the subtlest of touches. of possibility and holding on to life by its thin shirt.

small acts of intimacy like hand holding are so human. the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly. touch is a final act of love and holding hands is proof of humanity.

“to hold is what hands are for”

franz kafka, letters to felice

i think it’s quite anti-capitalist to care for each other and ourselves. johanna hedva speaks on this in ‘sick woman theory’, referring to it as a protest. to take on the historically ‘feminised’ and invisible act of caring and to be aware of each others ‘vulnerability and fragility’, we can protect each other and practice community. by ‘bearing witness’ to each others stories and trauma, johanna mentions we form a ‘radical kinship’ and politics of care.

“—and in spite of everything, tenderness there must be”

katherine mansfield, collected letters (vol 5)

here’s how intimacy is explored by one of my favourite artists, holly warburton! :)

they remind me that tenderness can be found in the most mundane of moments.

“if today gets difficult, remember the smell of coffee, the way sunlight bounces off a window, the sound of your favourite person’s laugh, the feeling when a song you love comes on, the colour of the sky at dusk, and that we are here to take care of each other”

chaplain bob keller, the chaplain’s corner (2020)

here is a playlist on love that i made!

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i hope that summer treats you well. i hope you’re able to be tender to yourself and those you love. i hope that you can surround yourself with gentle people and find love in whatever you do. i hope you remember that you are so loved by so many. i hope you can rest and find beautiful moments in the rush of life. i hope the same applies for me. i hope i was able to leave a gentle mark on you, no matter how little <3