#4
on rituals
dear you,
i hope that the month has treated you well! i was observing ramadhan and so with fasting and the routines, i thought this topic was quite apt. for me, ramadhan has been so lovely and reflective and i am always so thankful for it when it comes, as i am able to feel close to my religion, community and loved ones. the evenings are always my favourite as there is always so much warmth and love within them: in the kitchen, my grandmas house, the tea on the stove, the food on the plates, the cat on the wall, the children in the park and the moon in the sky. most of all, of course, i feel closer to myself and god. i hope that if you observed ramadhan too, yours felt warm in whatever that looked like for you <3
so i’ve been thinking a lot about rituals and routines in our daily lives recently. i feel like there is so much intimacy and love present in these little moments of devotion that we often just brush off. i read a lovely piece on the ‘intimacy of the mundane’ which gave me further insights about this :)
rituals can take all sorts of forms whether that is the way you make your breakfast, meeting up with a friend every sunday, your grocery shop, buying flowers for yourself every so often, weekly walks in the park, doing a facemask on an evening, or sitting in the coffee shop with a book and listening to whatever music they’re playing.
“recently i was talking to a writer who described something she did whenever she moved to her writing table. i don’t remember exactly what the gesture was- there is something on her desk that she touches before she hits the computer keyboard- but we began to talk about the little rituals that one goes through before beginning to write. i, at first, thought i didn’t have a ritual, but then i remembered that i always get up and make a cup of coffee while it is still dark- it must be dark- and then i drink the coffee and watch the light come. and she said, well, that’s a ritual. and i realised that for me this ritual comprises my preparation to enter a space that i can only call nonsecular… writers all devise ways to approach that place where they expect to make the contact, where they become the conduit, or where they engage in this mysterious process. for me, light is the signal in the transition. it’s not being in the light, it’s being there before it arrives. it enables me, in some sense”
toni morrison, the art of fiction no.134
although that as an example is mostly to do with writing, the sentiment stands. we all have these little rituals that make us feel whole, even if we aren’t aware of them. our personal world, is made up of these little moments of meaning. we wrap ourselves in a familiar and enjoyable construction to feel a sense of control. these may be things we perform in isolation that hold a distinct meaning for us, perhaps due to security they may reassure us of.
the link of religion and culture to rituals is quite interesting since our frequent behaviour can almost be seen as devotional. it can be said that these are different to our usual habits as they involve sharing with another soul. many cultures partake in different rituals like tea rituals or wedding rituals, or even prayer rituals in the case of religious / spiritual communities. cultural rituals require a plurality in order to be recognised and these often symbolise a sense of individuality or significance of a certain community in an attempt to reach a transcendent reality through togetherness. i think there’s something quite beautiful in that hope and faith.
last spring, i spent a lot of time reading and thinking about brianna wiest’s ‘100 essays that will change the way you think’. i remember that for the longest time, i was quite reluctant to read this as i thought it was just another extension of those obvious selfcare books. however, i thoroughly enjoyed and reflected on many of those essays and i’m so glad i read it. in her essay on ‘the psychology of daily routine’, she stresses how your habits create and influence your moods. she believes rituals are important in the way we go about our lives but also being mindful of the way they impact us.
brianne wiest, 100 essays that will change the way you think
i remember how she also said that “as children, routine gives us a feeling of safety. as adults, it gives us a feeling of purpose”. i feel that encapsulates a lot of her thoughts, with the fact that we can often get attached to this feeling of safety, making us unable to try new things or come out of our comfort zone. additionally, i think it is true that as we outgrow this behaviour, rituals and routines give us a sense of purpose and meaning and we begin to appreciate them more, spending more time reflecting on them and perfecting them.
i hope you take care of yourself this month <3